SuperMom's Wave White Flags

SuperMom's wave white flags 

Sometimes, my 3 year old calls herself a superhero. One time recently she asked, "Mom, can you help me fly today?" To which I replied, "Let's eat breakfast first." I pick up this blog. Then doubts creep in and I stop writing. I started writing about lifestyle as I was inspired by the book, Giada'sFeelGoodFood. I didn't know how to feel good at all at the time. I wanted to feel good period. I felt like I was trying so hard and coming up empty. I was calling my husband because I could barely make it through the day. My tank was empty and living a lifestyle described in the book of clean eating, manicuring, and socializing seemed unattainable. I got bitter and then I fell harder down a rabbit hold of depression. 

Asking for help was the bravest thing I ever did. I started slowly by making an appointment with my family doctor and balling my eyes out, but it felt so empowering. Then I started lacing up my tennis shoes because I knew when my doctor prescribed thirty minutes of walking a day that it could help me. I also looked at the warning signs - red flags - people waved at me. My nurse friend said my Mom experience was not normal and that it was more postpartum depression sounding. That scared me. I thought that postpartum depression was when you can't take care of your children at all sit in a room away from them and cry, but that wasn't the case here. I took care of all basic needs and doted on them, but then the simplest things would completely exhaust me. It felt like I was taking care of a 3 year old and a 1 year old with an elephant stomping on me. The fatigue was unreal. My concentration shaky. Experiencing depression as a Mom of two looks so different than when I experienced it as 15 year old (wearing black, listening to Pearl Jam, and being moody). I grew up, minored in psychology, and learned how to mask things better in a socially acceptable way. I hardly ever wear black. I smile a lot. 

One red flag was my lack of self-care. I blamed motherhood, but it was an excuse. Was my self-care lacking because I was still in the postpartum phase of pony tail/showermaybe/uglyclothes and my baby was over one year. Check. Was I crying a lot and flying off the handle with any extra stress? Check. Was I having tons of anxiety about my baby becoming a toddler and walking. Check. Was I having trouble eating and calling scraps left on a highchair, floor, or carseat my meals. Check. Were things getting out of control to the point where I could not handle simple life tasks? Check. 

Finally, when I'd had enough of my pain, I asked for help and then I kept asking until I got the help I needed. I got loud. I needed help, so I had to get loud. I'm feeling better. I wanted to put this out here if you are in your journey to wellness and think cutting your hair, clean eating, or learning to garden will dig you out of a pit. If you think you'll just survive while your kids are young and then when they're in school you'll concentrate on you? Can you even remember what you enjoyed doing for activities/hobbies prior to having children? You need real professional help, family, and friend support. Put out the white flag -- don't sink anymore - and call anyone that has every encouraged you in the past to lean on them. I can't believe I let an illness rob me of so much joy the last year because I was seeing things so differently. I've learned so much about God's grace and this is what I found myself write on a scrap piece of paper: 

As I get better, I feel like maybe I'm a fortunate one

I'm coming up for air, finally 
plugging into the world again. Recharged. 

Did I just see geese flying in a V out my window?
What else did I miss?

Was everything always so vibrant and it just seemed so gray for so long that I forgot?

My children - right here underfoot- baby dolls I get to tickle, hold, and love. 

At 9 years old, I wanted to be Supergirl. I would tuck towels in my shirt, run, and jump in the blazing hot Texas sun. I was convinced that one day it would happen. I would fly. I can be strong headed like that. There is something about finally being honest with my struggles that feels like I'm fearlessly flying.

Yummy green egg scramble

Egg White Scramble

My hubby and I made a bunch of the recipes out of the book, Giada's Feel Good Food  and then I had to return it back to the library. He balked at our grocery bill inspired by some of the recipes, so I have to reevaluate some of these recipes and make them more frugal. Is it possible to eat well on a budget? Yesterday, for Mother's Day, I received my muse/inspiration book, Giada's Feel Good Food, and I was back to rethinking my meal choices. We had just driven back from a long car trip with kids and I felt like it was a weekend of noshing on the remnants left in our stock, which was a processed food pantry (Ritz, pretzels, etc). This book was the motivation I needed. 

 As a result, there was green on my plate for breakfast!




I felt very sophisticated this morning sauteing spinach with scallions at 7:20am. I loosely followed  the Egg White Scramble with Spicy Tomato Salsa (Giada's Feel Good Food, p. 47). I read through the recipe and it called for me to get out my food processor to make the salsa. Um. Sleeping kiddos. Hello? No way. So, I opted for a jar of salsa in my fridge. I didn't feel very sophisticated opening a bag of expired baby spinach. How exact are expiration dates? I just had to ignore it. This scramble has a nice salty bite to it and with salsa it makes a nice hearty breakfast. Without the salsa the scramble looks like green eggs. My 3 year old would not touch it and my 1 year old preferred cheerios on top?! Curiously, has anyone else noticed the new label on Cheerios where they say basically that they do have GMO's in their product?  It was 8am when I read this and again I just had to ignore that because getting breakfast on the table as a Mom is still getting things done. Plus, there was green on my plate and I sat down to eat an actual hot breakfast. 

Feel Good Period.

Welcome. I had the idea of writing a blog and joining the blogasphere after the birth of my first child, Sweet Pea. Then after she turned 1, we found out my second daughter, Pipsqueak, was on the way. So, my oldest is now 3 and my youngest is 16 months old. So, I'm just now getting around to tackling this dormant idea. Inititally, I wanted to write on Motherhood. I've been writing ideas down on scraps of paper, but a recent cookbook catapulted me into action. I want to write about food?! I'm the most unlikely food blogger or foodie. In fact, some would still call me a picky eater with a childlike palette. I went to the library with my two children in tow. April Crossman at The Power of Mom's wrote about having a book on hold for yourself when you make a trip to the library.  I was so excited to spend time with Clifford and Spot one morning because I got an email from the library that my copy of Giada De Laurentiis new book, "Feel Good Food" was waiting for me in the hold stacks. Yippee! Come on kids, "Let's Go to the Library!" I was genuinely eager to learn even more new recipes and be inspired by beautiful food photography. When I got home and poured over the content and some of her lifestyle suggestions I felt overwhelmed. Her book is full of beautiful food ideas, nutrition, hair, nail, and skin care regimes while prioritizing spending quality time with family and friends. Giada's tips for a healthy happy womanhood seem a tad out of reach in my life. What if I'm not a Food Network star? My goal with this blog is to feel good period. I figure that even if I just get half of these recipes and lifestyle suggestions I will feel better. I also think that as women we can help other women. I used to yearn to be a Mom, in part to join the sorority of other Moms. I think I envisioned us sunbathing at the pool and park play dates without all the work and responsibility that goes into taking care of an actual dependent! I see women in the trenches arm in arm lifting each-other up with fervent prayer. I wonder doesn't every Mom struggle with time, motivation, and money for self-care? We know it's important, but we aren't sure how to get there. I hope you will join me in my journey of cooking, learning, laughing and writing. As a Christian woman, I hope to leave my daughters with wisdom in living well by cherishing God's word in their hearts and encourage them to pursue a relationship with Jesus. As a Mom, they are watching what and how I prioritize and I want to teach them to live a life of what my late Great Uncle Putnam Flint described as having a copious abundance.